The following people should have a swift meeting with an oncoming metro bus:

Anyone who posts on myspace a graphic like this:

or this:

Also, today I got a myspace friends request from this thing…

see the profile: here.
I looked at the profile and the last ten comments or so were all from guys saying “Thanks for the invite/request!”

I want to kill them all.

And yes Aaron, I’d tell them that in person too!

What is it with people, the internet, and anonymity? Ever since the invention of the internet, forums, and energy drinks people have become more and more angry, and more willing to say things to someone over a computer knowing full well that there will be almost no repercussions.

The sad truth is that everybody with a keyboard and an internet connection thinks they are now as tough as nails and can spout off whatever they damn well please because they know (and hope) no one is going to go through the trouble of tracking this person down to give them a (fully deserved) red-ass beatdown. Odds are, if they were forced to say the very thing they posted on a blog or in a forum to the other person, they would not because of their fear of consequences. Just because you are now anonymous does not give you the privilege of being an uber douche bag.

In addition to the internet forums, blogs, and other various posting sites you have internet gaming, especially one XBox Live. Never have I heard such foul-mouthed ten to fifteen year olds, calling other players words I would rather not repeat, but I’m sure you can guess what they are. What kills me is that I know for a damn fact that if these kids parents walked in on them and heard them talking like that, they would be more than likely to get the taste slapped out of their mouths. Beyond the teenagers, you have the wannabe gangsters in games like Gears Of War who start talking shit, and then they proceed to tell each other “where they are from, foo’ ” and invite one another to their hood so they can fight in person. To cut it quickly, one always says “You’re not even worth my time” and the other replies with the same thing, indicating that both are probably douchebags that live with their parents in their very suburban home, and dont even know the first thing about being “gangsta”.

So if you hate me, and you dont think I’m funny; that’s cool. But dont post on our site like youre so tough, because you cant hide behind your monitor in your parents basement forever Michowski.

+1 burn.

p.s. I would like to apologize to “Not Another Teen Movie” I do remember enjoying some of it (thank you Kelvin). Also, if you like that image at the beginning of the post, penny-Arcade.com offers it as a t-shirt.

Tags: douche, internet, tough guy

Some new images from the next movie in Christopher Nolan’s Batman series, “The Dark Knight”, were leaked today which include some new images of the Joker (Heath Ledger) in a nurse’s outfit. You can find those pictures HERE.

Tags: april, batman, heath ledger, leaked, photos, pictures, the dark knight

For those unfamiliar with Magic Eye go HERE…then come back…

Tags: eye, magic, text

The Evolution Of Comedy ( or How I Learned to Stop Laughing)

It seems that with the progression of every year, the intricate world of comedy writing and the making of comedy movies seems to devolve. Every time a bad comedy movie is made, some foolish person plunks down an average of about ten dollars to sit in a dark theater eating fifteen dollar popcorn and drinking a six dollar soda. And when the “film” begins, you sit there wondering how this movie was green lit (that is if you have a single brain cell), or your stomach hurts from laughing so much. If you are in the latter group, I wouldn’t bother reading any further; you probably don’t like to think, and there aren’t enough monosyllabic words in this write-up.

It seems like every week, another spoof movie comes out. It started with “Scary Movie” (which was passable) and moved on to a sequel, and then sadly, a third and fourth for the franchise. Along that vein, they also created “Not Another Teen Movie” (mediocre at best), “Date Movie”, “Epic Movie”, “Meet The Spartans” (Gave me eye cancer, and I would like the record to state that I only went to that movie for the free food afterwards), and most recently, “Superhero Movie” (why Leslie Nielsen, WHY?!?). I can only hope that Americans wake up and stop paying for these movies, hell; dont even illegally download them. Each ticket stub collected, every rental and download, some idiot producer and a team of hack writers thinks they did something good. You dont give shitty waiters a good tip, and you certainly should not give bad movies your hard earned money.

The worst thing about spoof movies is that the only thing they can do is break the rule of threes (by taking a joke and repeating it around five hundred times), make fun of popular culture and somehow STILL manage to not be funny, get celebrities to lower their standards (et tu, Tracy Morgan? You were doing so well with “30 Rock”), and rip off other movies good ideas poorly. If you’re going to copy someone, copy them right or don’t do it at all. There is nothing worse than a poorly imitated product, ie. Mountain Dew’s doppleganger, Mello Yellow.

So I urge a call to arms, for people to actually take their time when writing that next comedy. Do drugs if you have to ( please dont take this as an excuse to blame me if you get arrested for doing so) , watch classic comedies that have withstood the test of time and take notes, and get outside and observe the world to see if you cant get some you know…GOOD ideas.

Movies Start Right On Time ( After the 40 Minutes of Commercials)

You know, when you pay ten dollars to go see a movie you would expect that all you would get for this bargain is one film and and some previews. Luck for you, you also get the added bonus of watching an excruciatingly long Coca Cola commercial (and in the summer, its a student film sponsored by Coke! [shiver], an ad for the Los Angeles times, ads from car companies, and more! With this many commercials intruding on your movie experience, one would think they should be charging you less for admission, not raising the prices every year. I would however, like to thank these companies for showing their commercials before the film. Thanks to them, I can leave my house a little later even though the show times say otherwise, I know better about the 20 minute difference.

As a child growing up in the 80s, I was a huge fan of anything with “Mario” in the title. From Donkey Kong to Super Mario Bros., I would devote hours of my precious boyhood time on the original Nintendo Entertainment System trying to save the Princess from the clutches of evil.

But like many of you, I have seen Mario evolve into something unrecognizable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condemning the more recent titles in the Mario lineup and would be lying if I said I wasn’t addicted to Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii, but the lovable Italian plummer we all know and love has received a face lift in nearly every game. And with every transformation, an element of realism is added due to the advances in CGI technology. So far I have been ok with the look of Mario throughout the years but now these technological advances are reaching people’s homes and the though of what Mario may become gives me nightmares.

The image above was created to show what Mario might look like if he was an actual person…and it ruined my day. It makes you wonder if high definition technology will produce a version of this classic character that will make children drop the controller and go play outside. I’m sorry Mario but the Princess is in another castle. And with a face like that, I’m not surprised.

Tags: , bros, evolution, human, mario, nintendo, real, realistic, super

iknowbutstill.net welcomes our newest writer, Anthony.

I walked into the faculty member bathroom during my conference period recently, and to my surprise, I entered a temple of urine. Piss, and I mean huge splotches of it, nearly blanketed the entire toilet seat, wall, and tiled floor. I was honestly fucking amazed. Three possible explanations quickly came to my head:

1) An army of imps chose this particular bathroom to engage in civil war, and they just happen to have urine-colored blood.

2) A staff member drank way too much apple juice before work and then scurried to the bathroom. While his fluids were streaming, a small but intense earthquake (that somehow nobody else felt) rattled southern California and he couldn’t help but to sway back and forth, shooting his bright yellow waste in all directions.

3) Another staff member, or perhaps the same one from scenario two, again drank too much juice. While relieving himself, he gets a sudden, uncontrollable urge to break the world record for the most jumping jacks while urinating.

If it indeed was a man who perpetrated this crime against decency, I will find him. I’ll find out where he lives. And while he’s at work pissing all over the faculty bathroom, I will have already broken into his house and defiled his wife, mother, and sister (whom all happen to live there). And after that escapade I’ll sign my name (in urine, of course) on his bathroom mirror.

Proportional response?

What is it about television now that writers feel the need to have the token gay character be very. very flaming? I’ve known many a gay person and I would honestly have to say that 95% of them are nowhere near the way bad sitcoms and other media portray them. Honestly, it demeans the whole gay population and puts them in a bad (and annoying) light.

Looking at a show like “Will & Grace”, you have two gay men; Jack and Will. Jack is the typically written, overly flamboyant gay male. He seems to speak only in high octaves, squeals, and annoying chatter. He is essentially; a high school girl in a man’s wiry body. People have pointed out that they use Will as a foil, to counter balance the overly played Jack. But to that I say “Not good enough.” Too often have gay people been portrayed in such a distasteful manner.

Now take a show like “Spin City”, and you have something progressive. The character “Carter” was a black, gay male. But he was distinguished, didn’t act giddy every ten seconds, and had a thoughtful and positive demeanor. Sure he was a little more flamboyant at times, but only when it would help define his character, not for a cheap laugh. Any gay joke with Carter was done with taste, and written extremely well.

I was also shown a couple of detective movies called ” the Donald Strachey Mysteries” where the private detective is a gay male, and even has a lover. But they aren’t running around waving their arms with limp wrists, cackling like hens. They act like normal people, and the best part is: the mysteries are actually pretty good (And this is coming from the guy who has seen EVERY mystery solved by meddling kids and their dog, as well as other, better mystery movies and shows). The show is written well, and the characters are well developed. The series of the tv movies is played on here! , a network that devotes itself to showing QUALITY gay programming around the clock.

Last but not least, its awesome to see that someone like Neil Patrick Harris who is now outwardly gay, play a character like “Barney” on “How I Met Your Mother”. I can’t remember if he came out after he had been casted for the show or before, but either way it shows that he has a great range of talent. To play someone that is such an extreme opposite of yourself only speaks of your true talent. Just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they have to play Jack on “Will & Grace”. America, please stop clapping for overly excited gay characters on terrible shows. Just because I’m mexican doesn’t mean I sell oranges by the freeway (I sell peanuts by Dodger stadium thank you very much), so let go of your biased views of what you think you know.

Tags: gay, here!, television

The early 90s was miraculous time in modern American history. Grunge music was gaining popularity out of Seattle, Cross Colors was the FUBU of it’s time, shirts changed color in the sun and boy bands wore their jeans backwards. Amongst the plethora of trends that wouldn’t last until the end of the decade was a hidden treasure that seems to have been forgotten by the youth.

Pogs hit the scene in the early 90s as a game that would revolutionize the world of schoolyard activities. For those that are unfamiliar with the art, Pogs are Hawaiian milk caps that were stacked and the players would drop heavier pieces, often made of metal or plastic, to try and flip over as many Pogs as they could. The game became so popular that companies were flocking to create Pogs with their own branding on it. This included pieces that had sports figures, TV characters, cartoons and movie themes on them.

It got to the point where anyone who was anyone brought their Pog case to school in order to search for their next potential match. But there was a problem…They were playing for keeps. When playing for keeps, the Pogs that were flipped by a user would be kept even if they belonged to somebody else. Unfortunately, schoolyard officials saw this as a form of gambling and it was banned.

Though the Pog phenomena has dwindled away, February 7 was a date that was used to honor the inventor’s birthday by holding tournaments across the nation. We would be doing a disservice if we didn’t pay our respects on an annual basis and bring back the Pog tournament so children and adults alike could partake in one of the greatest games known to man. I’ll be there…Will you?

Tags: 90s, awesome, play for keeps, pogs

Comcast has to be the anti-Christ.  I swear.  They are the worst company in the history of the free world.  I am sure everyone has their own horror stories about DirecTV, Dish Network, and Time Warner however, I am going to lay my foot down here, Comcast is worse than them all. 

About two weeks ago, I was setting up a PlayStation in my living room.  I ran the patch cable from the router to the PlayStation, and in that process I must have knocked something out of the wall.  That “something” that I knocked out was this power-plug which a cable cord runs out of.  I know, it’s kind of strange.  Comcast told us that it was a “super speed booster.”  Makes everything real fast.  We had to have it.  Anyways, I knocked it out, and had no idea.  I proceeded to check everything: connections, the modem, the router, my wiener, and everything else under the sun.  I couldn’t figure out why we had no Internet.  So the inevitable had to occur, I called Comcast.

Talking with the guy on the phone, we ran through the normal procedures.  ”I want you to turn the box off,” the Comcast dude told me, “I am going to send a super-booster signal now which should take care of everything.”  Everything is fucking “super-booster” with these guys.  So I turned it off, waited 30 minutes and turned it back on.  Still the same problem.  “OK, I am going to run a diagnostic check now to solve the problem,” he continued “yes, I got it now.  There is a problem outside with the line, we are going to have to send a technician.” 

What a bunch of morons.  Didn’t they have any idea that I knocked the “Super-Speed-Booster” out?  Long story short, I found the plug was out, plugged it back in, and presto…we have interweb and cable back.  I never called Comcast back to cancel the technician from coming out.  I wanted to see if he was going to show up.  Guess what?  The Comcast technician never came out, and I got an automated call the day after letting me know my appointment was cancelled for today because there was an outage in the area and it was fixed…  What a bunch of crap.

Comcast can blow me, seriously.  I cannot tell you how many times I have called them and they don’t show up for appointments, never have notes from previous calls, screw up my billing, bring me the wrong equipment when they do show up, or even better, not even bring equipment when they show up because they are ”experiencing a shortage of HD DVR boxes.”  How the hell can you be out of cable boxes when you are a cable company?  That is like Subway being out of bread…

Flash forward to last night.  I was having more issues with the Internet.  Now it is just going super slow.  This is after my roommates called them a few days ago for their faster speed Internet.  You know what they had to do to increase the speed?  That’s right, “We are going to send a super-speed booster now.”  So for $5.99 extra a month, some jackoff over there flips the magical speed booster switch and we are going faster.  But actually now we paid $5.99 to go slower.  So today should be loads of fun.  I get to call a familiar friend and schedule an appointment for this weekend for a technician that will not show up, and when I call them back they will not have notes that I called in before and will have to schedule on to come out a week later.   

Got to love big business! 

Tags: blows, Comcast, gangsters, internet, super speed booster, technician